The clouds were thick and heavy when I went outside to go for a walk, but I chose to go ahead. The rainy, dreary day matched my mood, and misery loves company, right? I considered staying close to the house, just in case those clouds dumped out all the rain they were holding inside, like the emotions I was holding in my heart. Still, I chose my usual walk through the neighborhood. Looking up at the swirling gray ceiling above me, I sent a quick text to my husband.
“If it starts pouring, can you come get me?”
In less than a minute, I got a reply,
As I was about to turn into the first cul-de-sac, I felt the occasional drop of rain. Still, I kept going. I wasn’t going to melt, and the rain felt cool upon my skin. I think the clouds and I really were one that day, because I felt my own tears occasionally dropping onto my cheeks too.
It had been a rough week, a rough month, a rough few years, really. Sadness, fear, devastation, abandonment, grief, and just about every other raw emotion trickled out of the corners of my eyes, as the drops of rain fell from the sky. I wasn’t used to all these emotions. I was pretty good at holding it all together. Sometimes, though, the clouds in life got heavy, the storms blew in, and there was no safe place to shelter. The tears were coming quicker now, and I stopped wiping them. They blended with the raindrops. We were one, remember?
Soaking wet, I looked up at those gray clouds that hindered my view of the heavens. Where were the blue skies? Where were those puffy white clouds I loved so much? Where was the sunshine? I was getting cold, but I wanted to keep walking. I didn’t want to surrender to the rain, or the emotions. I kept walking, one foot in front of the other. One step at a time. Like always.
I walked through the rain.
I smiled through the hurt.
Today, I let the rain soak through my shirt and the hurt soak into my soul.
With every step, with every drop; I was drenched.
I looked up at those gray skies again and wondered where God was. I wondered why He led me to this place; why He let the rains fall down from the sky and the tears fall from my eyes; why He let the sadness and fear swell in my heart like the clouds swelled with rain. I wondered why He promised me I would never be alone, but left me feeling just that. I wondered why He placed people in my life and then took them away. I wondered why He called upon me to pour out my heart in word and in deed, but then allowed it to go unheard and unnoticed. I wondered why He led me down this path and then allowed it to rain down on me.
I looked at my clothes. I looked to the sky.
I threw up my hands and my heart raised the white flag.
I surrendered to the hurt. I surrendered to the pain. I surrendered to the rain.
I surrendered to God.
I pleaded for Him to take it from me. All the hurt and the fear and the sadness. I was soaking wet, drenched in desperation. I had nothing left to give and I prayed for the strength to shake it all off and keep going.
I reached for my phone to text my husband to come get me. Before I had a chance to type the words, I looked up and saw his truck coming toward me.
Rescue. Relief. Refuge.
I climbed into the warm, dry truck and my husband drove me home.
He knew what I needed before I asked. He knew I needed him, and he came.
God knew what I needed before I called out, too.
God knew what I needed, and he sent my husband.
I thought about that text I sent earlier before the rains came.
I sent out a message and my husband responded immediately.
A simple, “Yep”.
My husband has a knack for saving the day but that morning, his simple answer and his simple rescue restored my faith.
What comfort there is in knowing that when you ask someone if they will be there for you; without hesitation, without a second thought, the answer comes …
What comfort there is in knowing that when you need help, someone is there before you even have to ask …
a ride home, a rescue.
God did the same thing.
God has walked ahead of me. God knew what I needed and when I needed it.
As we drove the very short drive back to our home, the rains suddenly stopped. A patch of sun peeked through those thick, gray clouds and a sense of peace washed over me.
I thanked my husband for coming to get me. Then, I looked up at that light breaking through those clouds and thanked God for sending him. I thanked God for revealing to me that I was never alone and He was always watching over me.
I didn’t know why He sent the rain that day.
I didn’t know why He allowed the storms in my life.
Whether cloud cover, gusty winds, or pouring rain, God was always going to walk me through it. God was always going to rescue me. When I needed Him, there would be no hesitation, there would be no second thought. I would never be alone.
Did I know that for sure?